Woss The Problem?

Jonathan Ross ‘offends’ people. Who? Who does he offend? And what else is he paid for? We can go on Wikipedia if we want to know the banalities of a celebrity’s life. That's why we stopped buying Smash Hits magazine when we turned 13. Nobody is interested in Kelly Brook's favourite month and why. Well, perhaps Parkinson would have been, may he retire in peace.

The Telegraph felt Ross was rude to Gwyneth Paltrow in April when he asked her if they could have sex and then suggested she was “gagging for it”. Ultimately most of these celebrities go on chat shows for their own publicity and consequent demise anyway. They all take offence too easily as well. Do you see Patti Smith appearing on Jonathan Ross’s show? Of course not, she has integrity and talent that cannot benefit any further by soft evening television.
He once asked David Cameron if he ever masturbated as a teenager thinking of Margaret Thatcher in stockings. I thought it was quite a witty question really, and revealed sharp interview acumen. Politicians are puppets in a crap pantomime anyway, are we supposed to pretend those fat boys in parliament had no adolescent masturbatory experiences? Nobody cares what David Cameron has to say on TV about ‘real’ matters like education or the NHS. All a politician can say at best is ineffectual jargon, which is why I am all in favour of punchy and obscure questions, these tangents can often create a more accurate image and lead towards some sort of truth.

When Ross boasted that his £6 million annual salary was worth "1,000 BBC journalists'', just after 2,000 job cuts had been announced, again The Telegraph documented how ‘offensive’ this was. Really though? Being paid £6 million for chatting shit on a show is of course a joke, but we the viewers are the butt of that joke. Can we expect Ross to decline constant pay rises? He has been in the business a long time too, and has genuinely worked his way up through innumerable TV programs. If we all went for country walks and played Connect 4, then sure, his ratings would sink and so would his wages. But fortunately for him we are all really, really sad, and want to hear about how Sienna Miller opts out of knickers.

Jonathan Ross is a talent, he is also a part of Britain’s extended family. So if you imagine a fiver from your uncle in a birthday card, and then multiply that by the country – you get Jonathan Ross’s wages. I’d rather my taxes paid for his swimming pool to be licked clean while his kids go skiing than for the purchase of landmines or feeding Ian Brady in prison.
One bone to pick with Ross though: Did you really need to spend £2million in auction for the car registration plate RO55? Would you not have felt better maybe doing something for charity? Something for the thousands of citizens too poor to watch you mildly offend people.

Words: Jack Cullen

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