Macaulay: Business as Usual

There is a festering painting of Macaulay Culkin hidden in Michael Jackon's attic, each painterly attribute twisting and deforming itself with perversity everytime he appears at an awards ceremony looking ten still

In case you’re still unaware, Norwich Union have launched their name change to Aviva with a flashy television advert starring Bruce Willis, Macaulay Culkin, Ringo Starr, Elle Macpherson and other celebrities… a bargain campaign at only £9million. The melancholy and moving trailer orientates around various scenes of urban decay and dystopia, while the aforementioned A-listers stand about making wistful tear-jerking quips that are remotely related to their individual careers.

It is Culkin I want to focus on today though. When he softly begs to the camera - “remember me” - it left me in a state of blissful ambivalence. Remember him for what exactly? For blinding a caricatured burglar through a letterbox with some pepper spray?
I thought he was fantastic as Michael Alig in 2003’s underground masterpiece Party Monster. The role of a gay, drugs-addicted 1980s club-kid murderer was clearly a deliberate choice to build a contrast from Culkin’s type-cast and pave the way for a career as an adult actor. Still, despite this and his string of Hollywood girlfriends (including wife of two years Rachel Miner), it seems Culkin will never be able to shake off the magnitude of his child stardom.

The public still see Macaulay Culkin as a child, even though he will turn 30 next year! The Macaulay Culkin Wikipedia page depicts a grinning image of him looking six. Perhaps the inevitable 90s comeback of the forthcoming 2010s is just the thing Culkin needs to take centre-stage once more and put him in good stead; he can lead the way with millions of dollars, white t-shirts and those blond curtains… who better personifies the 90s American dream?
This year Culkin is set to guest-star in four episodes of Kings, a present-day adaptation of the David and Goliath story, playing a.. wait for it... abducted Nephew. It seems his type-cast role is really going to stick, or will we be pleasantly surprised? IMDB has no news of any 2010 movie work for Culkin which is a shame. I'd really like to see him truly embrace the status of a respected adult actor. We'll just have to wait a while yet.
The Jack of Hearts is written by Jack Cullen

Does he even have body hair?
Below: Mia Kirshner, Macaulay Culkin and Chloe Sevigny in Party Monster.


  1. Macaulay Culkin has the nicest a** I've ever seen.

  2. Macaulay Culkin is a very strange character,and for some reason it brings me in.I would be secretly thrilled to see him in an upcoming 2010 movie (:

  3. He has the most ethereal skin my eyes have ever laid upon. I find him quite beautiful and captivating.