Gold Quilted Jacket: Ralph Lauren Shines
I was about to declare how quilted coats are thoroughly over. I was going to zap readers of Jack of Hearts with an electrifyingly short post about how naff they have become, chiefly because the naffffest of boys have started wearing them on top of their lurid Lynx-soaked 'OSAKA 6' tees and those god-awful mass-produced ‘retro’ sweaters depicting dolphins and howling wolves.
But I had to swallow my pride and consequently change my tune. Just as I was meandering through Google images, looking for a photo of a knob wearing a quilted Barbour jacket to illustrate my grief – I came across these images of Ralph Lauren’s new gold quilted coat… and boy, it’s just heavenly. Look at it!
It’s a double whammy, because I also pet-loath Ralph Lauren. Despite the fact that Christian Bale doppelganger Ignacio Figueras (pictured below) is doing a bloody good job on their campaign, Ralph Lauren essentially dangles a very English fairytale ‘old money’ prestige in front of a ghastly ‘new money’ American clientele.
I once read an interview in which Nicholas Coleridge spoke to a book-buyer for Ralph Lauren. He essentially scoured secondhand bookshops in England, and took the books across to the US where they would fashionably adorn the store, creating that much-sought bookish look which of course has nothing to do with American wealth, but everything to do with American wealth fantasy.
In my experience, boys who wear a lot of Ralph Lauren are not the most avid readers. They subscribe to the Jack Wills handbook, read the shark-attack tell-alls in FHM and might occasionally stretch as far as borrowing a John Grisham off their Dad on holiday, to put their sun cream bottle on top of by the poolside.
So to conclude, the quilted jacket is clearly still in action. But only if…
A) It’s a perfect fit. None of this baggy and saggy crap.
B) It’s a bold colour or a bizarre metallic shade.
C) You have a pretty face. So no glum fat-faced stubbly pricks trying to evoke a sense of land ownership.
D) You’re not a candidate on the BBC’s The Apprentice
It seems this year a lot of designers are simply making more of what sells, as opposed to taking large risks, and so we can expect to see plenty more of the plain quilted jackets from Burberry and John Richmond. Just think hard before you pick one up though, after all, summer is a comin in… and quilted jackets will be deemed utterly useless as you loudly sing cuckoo… you’d be better off with a cute white hoodie, a Celine visa cap and Dior shorts.