Britney Promotes Threesomes: New Song “3”

Upon first hearing 3 I thought – "uh oh – Britney’s scraping a barrel of shit here, singing like Microsoft Cher and using the child rhyme 1, 2 – buckle my shoe as a pop template."

The highlight of 2008 had to be counting the amount of “womanizers” in Britney’s brainwashing hit of the same name. The trickiness came with the robotic “womo-womo-nizarrgh”, did they count as two?


Well now, Britney’s new song 3 is all about, no not the holy trinity, no not her literacy age, but threesomes. It’s enough to make you wonder whether her PR team killed Stephen Gately just to get a threesome ball rolling in the press.


Britney Spears is phenomenal. Yes she’s insane, yes she mimes, yes she’s an industry product and there are probably twenty-seven Britney Spears who share a relayed work rota. BUT, her music is just so utterly well produced, it’s irresistibly catchy.


Like most Brit hits it takes a couple of listens before you’re hooked. Upon first hearing 3 I thought – uh oh – Britney’s scraping a barrel of shit here, singing like Microsoft Cher and using the child rhyme ‘1, 2 – buckle my shoe’ as a pop template.


I considered calling this blog post “1, 2 – Buckle Britney’s Poo”, in reference to her suggestive inciting of threesomes in the song, in which Britney herself sings about being “caught in between”. But the truth is, I would vouch for threesomes and group sex any day. Anything that challenges society’s perceptions of normal straight-laced sexuality.

I like Tilda Swinton having two boyfriends, I like Stephen Gately bringing home mysterious Bulgarians, and I like Britney Spears being a enfant terrible, a terrible inverse of the ‘American Dream’ that The Mickey Mouse Club originally tried to mould her as.

How fitting that while Cheryl Cole has an album out called 3 words, a cute little pop testimony to love, commitment and relationship standards; Britney has a song coming out simply called 3, about enjoying yourself, having sex inside and outside of relationships, and making the most of our time on this planet. We know which side Ashley Cole’s on.


I only have one question – who are the “Peter, Paul and Mary” that Britney sings about in her threesome hymn? Does she mean the biblical characters? Or are they celebrities? Peter Andre, Paul McCartney and Mary J Blige? Wouldn’t that be a fine way for Beatle number 3 to pop his clogs.

Britney's kind of threesome is probably more like Ashton Kutcher and Justin Timberlake.

Check the song out yourself on YouTube. The video's pretty thoughtless though and makes no effort to pedal the interesting issues raised by the song. Wow, I'm making pretty Britney sound like a university subject. You heard it here first.

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