The Sun Throws The Cowell In

How base and pathetic of The Sun to wheel out Simon Cowell mere hours before the British election in a final desperate ploy to win Cameron votes. They know full well that if David Cameron doesn’t win the election that they’ve made a complete mockery of themselves and their self-declaration of undefeatable influence, rendering themselves a pathetic and damp transit van tabloid.

In the interview Cowell "insists he is NOT telling anyone how to vote” immediately following a paragraph in which he declares his trust and liking for David Cameron whilst condemning Gordon Brown as tired, as well as casting unjustified doubts across Nick Clegg’s logical policies. The sad truth is that The Sun's readers are stupid enough to swallow this propaganda, just as teenage wannabe pop stars are stupid enough to swallow Simon Cowell.

It comes as no surprise that a man worth well over £100 million is supporting The Conservatives, a party who notoriously protect the rich whilst screwing over everyone else. Cowell’s fortune is amassed on the back of selling unrealistic hopes and dreams to low-intellect majority groups, and so it is understandable that Cowell would prefer a Britain in which the general public struggle to make ends meet, their only salvation in life being the escapism of a glittery Saturday night panel show. Similarly The Sun’s empire revolves around offering celebrity gossip and tits as a paper form of escapism, helping to pass the time between debt and death for millions.

Having forged a career out of pretending he’s God, Cowell knows a lot about giving individuals the chance to fulfil their dreams. 1 in 10,000 boys who fall at his feet get to be invisible pop stars like Joe McElderry, whilst every now and then in a gesture of freak philanthropy Cowell will erratically write a girl’s student debt clear at a tennis club bar (YES – he has been known to do this, so get ass licking!!)

Considering the cast of last year’s X-Factor featured a host of closet gays, it comes as no surprise either that Cowell would prefer a Britain in which he can market queer pretty boys at millions of young and hopeless female consumers, smashing every single possible pound out of the pig-tailed piñata, whilst shacking his young boys up in a communal ITV mansion, filing for injunctions at two-a-penny for all the dodgy backstage mishaps along the way.

Cowell tells The Sun “the majority of our wealth of talented people aren't being given the chance they need to grow and bloom at the moment.” Well somehow I don’t think Cameron is going to provide them all with dormitories in Eton. More likely he will shove them into dream-shattering works schemes where these young talented citizens can learn to sh** shovel in keeping with what Cameron deems to be their birth class.

On the contrary Cowell wimpers to The Sun how “it should be everyone's birthright to get the chance to fulfil their dream.” Let’s just hope their dream isn’t to escape abuse and persecution in another country and come to live safely in the UK.

Today's Cowell/Sun combined-combat really is an ugly and biased press conglomeration in which two power-hungry authorities throw about phrases like 'family values' when all Cowell or Murdoch really care about is power and wealth.

How dare The Sun brainwash their readers into voting for a leader who will cripple them all into near-poverty and further miseducation. How sad that Simon Cowell has willingly tarnished the few unspoiled patches of his public persona with the dirty smear of Cameron's politics.

Read The Sun’s shameless article here

Read Jack's piece from last year Jedlock: Time To Throw The Cowell In


  1. Wow! Jack, you're angry man!! Loves it.

  2. Haha. Sorry, I'm at work, so spent about 5 minutes bashing this one out. I'm furious though! I kind of want to like Simon Cowell, but he just doesn't represent humanity.

  3. I'm stunned at how transparent Simon Cowell and The Sun are being. This is SO RIDICULOUS! I really hope The Conservatives don't get in. I might move abroad if they do and let another country benefit from my skills instead.

  4. Enjoyable as ever, Jack! Off to read The Sun piece now.

  5. "And I think this is down to a breakdown of rules. When I was young and we got caught pinching apples, we got a smack from the local policeman. Today if that happened he would be sued." Ha! Cowell sanctioning police violence?

  6. "I've seen the American dream is a reality" ... meaning what? Hot trophy girlfriends and rent boys in the pool? The world economy can't prop everyone up in a mansion like Cowell, some of us have to eat humble pie, but at least we know what real love and friendship is.

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