John Frieda Has Gone Missing!

I don’t like the Garnier Fructis range, it makes my hair feel like it’s been jizzed in by an entire football team, and Toni & Guy’s “Rapid Response” Leave-In Conditioner leaves my hair looking like the result of a violent beer throwing contest in Wetherspoons.

Please forgive me but The Jack of Hearts is about to have a blonde moment. I’ll keep it too less than 300 words:


I can’t find this product from the John Frieda Collection anywhere in Sainsbury’s or Boots. It’s called Gleam Crème Instant Silkener, part of their Sheer Blonde range. It used to be stocked in both Boots and Sainsbury’s alongside the other dozen John Frieda products. It still appears on the John Frieda website but they don’t have an online shop.

Do you think it’s possible that Boots have removed it from the shelves before it jeopardises the sales of their other products? Or do you think the John Frieda team have realised how good it is, so they’ve taken it away, to bring it back again but smaller and more expensive?

Because Gleam Crème really is that good. You just rub a pea-sized amount between your hands to create a thin film, then you rake your hands through the under sections of your hair, and bingo. The result is shiny, silky and smooth looking hair, even on me – and my hair is currently a morbid stack of urine-blond hay, having bleached it to the grave in and then lived in swimming pools and cesspit situations all summer.

John Frieda’s magnus opus when it comes to his hair products range has to be his Colour Renew shampoo*. It’s the purple one that all hairdressers recommend to bleachies like me and it’s bloody brilliant. But his conditioners and other products are rendered useless if, like me, you then have to blow-dry and straighten your bleached hair. This is why Gleam Crème was so good, because you apply it afterwards and leave it in all day.

Style brands declare various reasons for removing products from their ranges, and sometimes it’s connected to decisions made by the stockists. However, I don’t believe Gleam Crème was selling badly. Like Calvin Klein’s Crave, or certain hair serums like Goop, occasionally a product emerges that is too good, and not only makes its sister products redundant, but it threatens that feeling of slight dissatisfaction that consumerist-culture needs to impose on every one of us in order to self-perpetuate itself.

There must be another good leave-in cream out there. Any recommendations? I don’t like the Garnier Fructis range, it makes my hair feel like it’s been jizzed in by an entire football team, and Toni & Guy’s “Rapid Response” Leave-In Conditioner leaves my hair looking like the result of a violent beer throwing contest in Wetherspoons.

*To be precise: Sheer Blonde (New Formula) Colour Renew Tone-Refreshing “Ravive Votre Couleur” Shampoo with Lavender & Optical Brightener (They must have some serious nomenclature consultant over a John Frieda).

Okay, 439 words. But you do understand, this is a crisis.

1 comment:

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