These four girls Rebecca, Sofia, Esther and Geneva were thrilled last weekend (well, last summer, but let's pretend) when Simon Cowell told them that they were going through to the live shows of this year's X Factor, as a girl group called Belle Amie.
The girls innocently named themselves Belle Amie after they saw the phrase in a french text message that one of Geneva's friends wrote to her. What they probably didn't know is that Bel Ami, is one of the world's most successful gay porn production companies. I don't imagine Simon Cowell would have known this either, assuming he's too busy to attend Ryan Seacrest's movie nights, and Louis is probably a bit slow at responding to his Blackberry.
Wouldn't it be more fitting for the twinky boyband 1 Direction to be called Belle Amie? Pretty boys Harry Styles and Liam Payne actually resemble Bel Ami 'models', whilst Niall Horan has a sufficiently complex blond hairstyle to feature in a Bel Ami title.
1 Direction is an awful name, they may as well be called Direct Line, although I think that's the name of a Lancastrian tribute act to the 90's boyband Northern Line. Then again, having a crummy and pointless name seems to work for boybands. Northern Line, Westlife, East Seventeen, what about Southern Fried? No? How about 911 Direction? or Directory Enquiries? Or just 9/11? Now that would be post-modern. The Post Modernists? Now that would be cool.
Below (don't click the still unless you're liberated enough to casually browse a successful gay porn production company's website) is one of the 'models' pages from Bel Ami online. The idea is that viewers can search Bel Ami's hundreds of gay titles in search of a particular 'actor' that they have a soft spot for. But it made me think... wouldn't a porn star knock-out tournament make for perfect evening television?
Here in London we have Gay Porn Idol every Thursday at Heaven, beneath Charing Cross Station. Anyone can enter and the idea is that boys who need to top up their job seeker's allowance to buy a new vintage jumper can make-out with themselves (or a friend) and the 'winner' gets £100! Only problem is, the boys who enter rarely match up to the high standard that good quality gay porn directors and X-Factor judges swear by.
Below: Bel Ami's cast directory online. A bit like Top Trumps, but literally.
What I don't understand is, if Bel Ami have hundreds of gay porn actors, who are all incredibly built and challengingly handsome, then where on earth do they live? I've never seen one walking around. Do they all live on yachts? Sometimes I think the FAQ section on Chanel's website needs to be a bit more comprehensive.